And so, the television event of the summer has come and gone.
All the anticipation, all the newsprint and pixels, and the learned discussion fade away to insignificant noise as we see Don Draper, the eternal man in the grey flannel suit, adrift on a wave of anomie, baffling his loyal crew and breaking the hearts of the women who love him.
And, wait--does Sal have a girlfriend now?
Why can't Pete get his wife pregnant?
Is Jackie really happy with the way the White House turned out?
And is Betty going to be like the highest-class call girl in Ossining now, or what?
Oh, I was supposed to be watching that "other" show tonight?
Darn. Well, you can't blame me for not getting excited. The news of who won The Next Food Network Star broke on Thursday night, when some moron uploaded links to Lisa and Adam's exit interviews and Aaron's "winning moment" on the Food Network website.
Sharp eyes discovered this and sent notes to all the bloggers great and small, and just like that, the mystery was gone.
Also the interest--what there was of it. I'm beginning to think that the reason why so many people have become hostile to this show is that it's a prime example, maybe the prime example, of how over-important the FN has become.
Being a FN personality is not a "dream job". It's right up there with being a spokesmodel, for the most part.
Sure, Alton is perfect for his job and Mario got the most he could out of it and I actually like Bobby and Guy now, but most of the other folks are famous-for-being-famous.
It's a gig. It probably pays better than running a restaurant.
But me, personally, if I was going to kill myself for something, it would be "The Next MSW Graduate Who Can Help People and Also Earn a Living Wage."
Others might think it important to compete in "The Next Presidential Election" or "I Wanna Win the Nobel Peace Prize."
Honestly, I really want the Food Network to calm down now. This series has been a catastrophe almost every season; it's got bad mojo or something, and we need to leave it alone for a while.
Lisa? I'd like to see her on The Fine Living Network, and just drop that Beautiful Basics jazz and be the diva she is.
Adam? I too was always hungry in Philadelphia. Because you cannot get a goddam bite to eat there. For true. You say, "Wow, I'm hungry," and someone says "Yeah? Lemme make you a cheesesteak" and then you've got this lump of wet, soft bread and grey meat with veins in it and Cheeze Whiz and the "Delphians are all chawing and smiling and telling you how good it is, and you begin to wonder what planet you're on. You bet I was hungry.
And Aaron? Best of luck, Big Daddy. But I was a little disturbed to see that his kids are something like six and two years old. Which of them ran away from home? And, really now, shouldn't Big Daddy have left the competition and gone home to look for the little tyke?
Honestly--this begins to seem like something Don Draper would do.